Butter!
by la saboteuse
Summary: Was anyone else saddened by the lack of newly-wed bliss in BD? Collected oneshots of what their honeymoon could have been like! NO lemons,but plenty of fluffy goodness along with some character exploration.Started writing before BD,so locations may vary.
1. Ch1: Butter!

**This, Dear Reader, is what I call a 'Waffle'.**

**You see, when properly crafted, 'Waffles' are fluffy(hee-hee-hee), sweet(aw!), and _syrupy_(ooh, la la!).**

**And there are _so_ many things you can do with them!**

**Seriously! **

**You can eat 'em with blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, bananas, whipped cream (for extra thick and meaningful sweetness), _butter (ahem!), _powdered sugar (for light, playful fun)...the list goes on!**

**So! Prepare yourself for ultimate fluffy-Wafflage! Whoop!**

**(Dear, dear, I'm really hungry now)**

**Butter!**

Mmm...home-made bread, fresh from the oven, slathered lovingly in..._butter._

_Aaahh..._

_Bliss_.

I was in the kitchen of the Cullens' blissfully empty house in Canada with Edward, my husband of nearly two weeks. The house was beautiful, of course, at least, I _think_ it was; I wasn't really paying attention to decor or structure while we were there--well, not the _house's_ structure, anyway...heh-heh...

I had wanted to make something to eat _myself; _Edward had put some serious restrictions on how much I was allowed to "work." I had decided on bread.

_Best_ decision of my life...besides marrying Edward, of course.

As mentioned previously, I was with Edward, and he was watching me eat with a sort of glazed, far-off look, which was normal these days.

I took another bite, closing my eyes and sighing with satisfaction.

"You know," I said dreamily, "butter is the center of the galaxy."

Edward chuckled and ruffled my hair and said affectionately, "That's strange; I 'd been under the impression for quite some time that _you _were the center of the galaxy."

I turned to him and said solemnly, "Only so long as I am holding a stick of butter and zealously revolving around the center of the _universe."_

_"_Center of the universe, eh? And what might that be?"

I rolled my eyes disparagingly and threw my arms around him, momentarily abandoning my enticing slice of delectable scrumptiousness for something even more delicious **(****ha ha, Edward is delicious!)**.

"Why, _you_ are, of course!"

In the next instant I was being held hostage, completely helpless, against the sofa. Not that I _minded,..._in fact, this was just the kind of reaction I had been plotting towards(mwah-hah-hah).

I giggled; my own deviousness never ceased to amaze me--and, lately, it had been paying off _quite _nicely. I reign supreme!

"I beg to differ," he purred.

Who would have thought that four words could be so utterly seductive?

At the moment, Edward was busying himself with my neck...and jaw...collarbone...shoulder...so I soon lost track of everything else. I was on the brink of crazed lunacy, when, at last, he brought his mouth to mine, releasing me from the clutches of on-coming insanity.

"You've been...absurdly...romantic...today," he mumbled into the kiss.

"Well, you've been...absurdly...encouraging," he pulled back to let me finish, "so it's your own fault," I pointed out breathlessly. I could feel my chest heaving in a noble effort to keep enough oxygen flowing to my poor, deprived brain and body.

He grinned lopsidedly, his eyes burning.

"I never said that I was complaining," he growled teasingly, and my heart stuttered at his tone.

I quickly gasped for a mouthful of air before he commenced another attack on my oxygen supply. The corners of his mouth quirked upward as his lips laid siege to mine, quite clearly in triumph.

O-o-o-oh, no.

I wasn't going to let hm win _this_ one.

Somehow I managed to get into a more proper sitting position and then lean Edward against the cushions, all without falling off the couch or interrupting our, erm, _non-verbal discussion_. I was _determined_ to emerge victorious. I just needed to figure out _how_.

The exact rules of this sort of game between Edward and I were never quite clear, and they always seemed to change a bit according to every situation--usually in Edward's favor, so he almost always won. My tactics were improving swiftly, however.

Edward's hands were beginning to tangle my hair into a ridiculous mess, so I pulled minefrom around his neck to tug on his arms.

"Careful; I just...brushed...my hair," I managed to get out between kisses. I could feel his cold form quaking minutely in silent laughter. Normally, I wouldn't have cared about my hair so much, but the way he was going, it would take at least half an hour to sort through the rat's nest that was forming. Slowly, his hands un-knotted themselves and trailed down my neck, then descended my spine till they took a detour to my waist. I shivered.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

I smirked--well, sort of;his mouth was kind of in the way.

"No...you're not; you're...smiling." He was, too; I could feel his lips pull taught through our kiss.

Suddenly, my back was pressed against the wall, and I was staring up into a pair of impossibly golden, burning orbs, which were dancing with mischief.

I then noticed that Edward was holding my fore-arms above my head.

Uh-oh.

"Would you care to repeat that accusation, sweetheart?" His breath fanned my face, filling my senses, and I squirmed helplessly.

"_Edward!"_ I protested weakly.

He grinned.

"Well?"

What was he talking about? Oh, yeah; I'd insisted that he wasn't truly sorry.

I wriggled again, which just made him all the more pleased with himself.

Grrr...

Finally, I sighed in defeat. "Ugh. Okay. Apology accepted. But you're being totally ridiculous," I informed him.

Then he tilted his head and his lips brushed along my neck again. Naturally, my pulse went into high gear, and I flushed a bit.

"Am I?" he murmured silkily into my skin.

I took in a shaky breath.

"Y-yes...yes. Totally,..utterly,...rid-ridiculous," I spluttered, not entirely certain of how much sense I was making.

He grinned briefly as he progressed to my neck, jaw, temple...back down again...

"Edward," I gasped.

"Mm."

"Are you _trying_ to drive me insane?"

His whole frame shook, and his chilled breath made my skin tingle.

"That all depends..." he turned his head to work on the other side of my face. "Is it working?"

What. A. Jerk.

"I despise you..." I informed him--rather unimpressively, I might add.

Edward lifted his head to quirk an eyebrow at me.

"That's not what you said last night."

I made a truly noble effort to maintain a straight face, but I couldn't keep my mouth from twitching as it threatened to form a traiterously giddy smile of remembrance. I bit my lip, and attempted to ignore the faint blush that had alighted on my cheeks.

"Well...I can change my mind, can't I?"

"Doesn't make much difference if you can't go anywhere," he said pointedly.

I couldn't help smiling now; my current predicament wasn't really so bad...

...except that it was rather difficult to maneuver, and my pinkie was falling asleep.

"Umm, yeah...about that." I struggled. "Can you let me go, now?"

He laughed darkly.

"Oh, no, I don't think that I can do that any time soon; those hands of yours are _far_ too dangerous."

I pouted.

Then, a sudden thought occurred to me, causing a slow, almost sinister smile to spread across my face. I wrapped my leg around one of his, and, ever so gradually, slid it upward till my knee reached his hip. Then, I tightened my grip with a sharp movement. Edward froze in shock. Then he closed his eyes with a look of intense concentration, a strangled noise coming from his throat, and I swear he trembled a little.

I _so_ rule.

"My hands aren't the only dangerous things about me," I told him in quiet, albeit smug, tones.

His eyes snapped open, a hungry and determined look about them. My breath caught.

"Alright, enough!"

I squealed as he scooped me up and ran purposefully to the bedroom.

I win!

The End (or, at least, that's the end of what you're _allowed_to see...heh-heh-heh)

**A/****I know that some of you might be wondering what's going on with 'Wake-up Call,' and don't worry! I decided to write more, and part III should be typed up and posted by next week...like, by the 7th or 8th, hopefully.**

**Also, check out my profile for 'Moments'!**

**Review!**


	2. Ch2:A Matter of Taste

A Matter of Taste

On Friday evening, I decided to take a shower for no real reason, and Edward was cleaning up the aftermath of dinner anyway(he insisted), so it seemed the perfect thing to do. It was very, _very_ nice. I had to hurry, though, because Edward couldn't stand waiting for more than fifteen minutes—once, I went on for more than that and…well, I try to take quick showers, now-a-days. After I finished, I got dressed. I was walking into the bedroom, still toweling my hair, when I was seized from behind by a pair of familiar arms.

"Mmm," Edward moaned in ecstasy as he nuzzled my neck. "You are quite possibly the most scrumscious woman I have ever tasted," he purred playfully.

I giggled, and said sternly," And I'd better be the _only_ woman, too, or you're in big trouble."

He chuckled, but then asked worriedly, "Oh, dear, do relatives count?"

My eyes widened in surprise, and I was too caught off guard to really think about what he had said.

"Umm...no, I _guess_ not, even though that sounds a little wrong...and gross..."

Edward sighed with amplified relief, "Oh, _good, _because your great-great grandmother--"

"Edward!"

"--was _delicious."_

"Eww! Do you have any idea how--how completely--_disturbing_ that is?!" I spluttered.

Edward just continued with his fit of hysterics, and after a while I couldn't help laughing with him.

I pushed at him teasingly and shook my head, saying, "You are _so_ weird."

"Why, Bella, just because I happen to have a 'thing' for older women--"

"Akh! Stop!"

* * *

After further teasing, we finally calmed down, and Edward pulled me close, his face glowing with unconcealed affection.

"I love you," he told me.

"I love you, too," was my automatic yet heart-felt response.

Then he leaned in, anticipating a kiss, no doubt. Ha!

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute!" I exclaimed. "You just told me that you atemy great-great grandmother, and now you expect me to _kiss_ you? I don't think so, mister!"

He sighed with exaggerated patience.

"I never said that I _ate_ her, Bella, only that I _tasted _her. That's quite a remarkable difference, I should think."

I thought for a moment.

"That's still a bit unnerving. _I_ should think."

Edward brought his lips to my ear, and said in a silky voice, "Well, then, suppose I told you that you taste better?"

I bit my lip, trying to control the shivers that ran rebelliously down my spine.

"Suppose that you did." I waited. "What else might you say?" I finally asked.

"Well..."

Edward began kissing my neck in an obnoxiously delicate way that was certain to drive me insane.

"Perhaps I would then tell you that everyone else is disgustingly bland in comparison."

"Hmm..." I was almost totally caught in his spell, but still I resisted.

Once he determined that this method wasn't achieving what he had hoped as quickly as he wanted, Edward desisted his tortuous treatment, and tried to catch my gaze. _I_ tried valiantly to keep from meeting it.

"Bella, why won't you look at me?" he asked piteously.

As if he didn't know!

"_Because,_as soon as I do, I won't remember what I was thi--well, I won't remember anything, actually."

He thought that was very funny, of course, and I scowled. Then he took hold of my chin, attempting to force me to look at him, so I promptly closed my eyes, tightly.

Edward chuckled.

"Honestly, Bella, why try? You're going to open your eyes sooner or later, and even if you don't..." I could sense that his face was now mere inches from mine, and his cool, sweet breath assaulted my pathetically susceptible senses.

Cheater.

I felt my own face crumple in consternation and indecision: to give in, or not to give in?That is the question. Already, though, the only thing that kept me breathing was the overwhelming desire to take in his intoxicating scent, which was currently washing over me in thick, concentrated waves. If I didn't act quickly, any reserves of willpower I had left to me would flee the country, never to be seen or heard from again.

...So I took the offensive.

I opened my eyes to look into Edward's teasing but hungry ones. Then, before he could react, I threw myself into an impassioned kiss, which caught him completely by surprise and made me deliriously pleased with myself.

Edward recovered speedily and began kissing me back, pulling me towards the--

"--Mm!Edward," I mumbled around his eager kisses. "Edward, I just--got--dressed!"

He paused a moment and looked at me quizzically.

"Bella, do you really care _that_ much?"

I considred briefly, then grinned and pulled myself closer.

"No."

He smiled crookedly before--well, you get the idea.

**A/N: Sorry, I know that that wasn't very long, but I'll try to update soon, promise! However, I always update more quickly when motivated by reviews! Also, if any of you have suggestions, I'd love to hear them!**


	3. Ch3:Light

Butter ch.3

**Disclaimer: Ew, why would Steph write something like _this?_ And _then_ let people read it _for free?_**

**A/A(Author's apology): Gah! School takes over lives and contaminates pure souls with perverted thoughts of senior finals and graduating! Such trivial matters should never be allowed to take precedence over leisure activities including sleep, reading and writing! And chores! Bah! Yeah, I'm r-e-a-l-l-y sorry! But, yeah, life continues. Read on!**

**(A/N: Hey, Savina, having some trouble getting this thing going, so I decided to write you a love poem!**

**Oh, Savina,**

**Lady divine,**

**Wouldst thou pledge**

**to henceforth be mine?**

**For if 'twere so,**

**what raptures sublime!**

**Oh, Savina,**

**wilt thou be mine?**

**No, I'm not a lesbo, I just like to express my platonic love and devotion in scandelicious ways. OK, now that we've got the creative juices flowing, let's do this thing!)**

**Butter! Ch.3: Light**

One late afternoon, Edward proposed that we go for a walk through a nearby forest glade. He put together a small duffel containing things we would need, and we set off.

There were slender streams of sunlight dripping through gaps in the trees above us, cascading gracefully to reflect off of Edward's exposed skin in strange and glorious patterns as we made our way easily through the pathless wilderness. It was as if the rest of our world had melted away, everything else cast out, to leave a peaceful purity that till now could scarcely be dreamt of. It was...extraordinary.

We ambled along, hands entwined, and the cool, clear air was so tangibly _free; _free of sadness, free of spite, free of any cares that may have once daunted the world we left behind, and yet so full of life that it completed the ethereal aura of the place splendidly.

From time to time, I would look up to see Edward gazing at me lovingly, a smile lighting his perfect features in a manner that took my breath away. We would stop and he'd kiss me softly for a moment, placing a hand on the small of my back to hold me close, before we moved on. Eventually, we came to a beautiful clearing; it was nothing at all like our meadow, of course, but still quite lovely, with its own, unique feel to it.

"Let's stop here a moment, shall we?" suggested Edward.

A small smile crept across my face. This place was perfect.

I nodded, and we stepped out fully into the sun.

* * *

We laid quietly on a blanket that Edward had brought, and I settled comfortably in his embrace, leaning against his marble chest as we watched the sun fall behind the surrounding trees. It cast shadows and slanted light over our small sanctuary, transforming Edward into a glorious vision of colored luminescence; citrine, rose, and amber rays all danced off his usually alabaster skin, contrasting incredibly with his glowing, tawny-gold eyes in an other-worldly way that threw reality completely off balance.

"What are you thinking?"

I smiled at the familiar inquiry, wondering what to tell him.

It struck me, then, that he always used _that_ particular phrase, rather than, 'What are you thinking _about_?', because of what he wanted to know; it was not only the subject matter of my thoughts that he asked for, but the very thoughts themselves._ What are you thinking exactly, _he most likely wanted to ask. Of course, having had access to so many minds for over eighty years, he knew that he couldn't in all fairness ask such precision of me; I wouldn't have been _able_ to reveal the workings of my mind so directly, because thought processes are far too complex to relate to someone else without paraphrasing.

I tilted my head to lean it against Edward's shoulder and murmured, "My perception of reality has changed so much since you came into my life. I think it's _still_ changing, because I feel so disoriented every time I look at you."

Edward smiled down at me, causing my heart to flutter, not at all unpleasantly.

"You've altered the way I perceive _everything, _even those things which aren't quite real," he returned softly, silkily. He brought his hand up to caress my face and I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes with a contented sigh. Cool fingers drifted lingeringly down my cheek and jaw, adversely trailing fire and electricity till they reached my chin and turned my face upward into a powerful yet sweet and tender kiss. My arms locked around his neck automatically, and my angel drew me nearer till every possible contour that could connect us was perfectly aligned.

When we parted, after a time, so that I could breathe, Edward pressed his cheek carefully to mine and then trailed downward to listen to the thrilled pulsation of my heart.

As I calmed, I ran my fingers through his incredibly soft hair, occasionally trailing them over his face and neck as I watched the multi-hued glittering of his skin become more subdued, like the dimming of an ember, untill at last the sun was gone and he returned to his moon-like, deathly pale splendor.

"Times such as these are what cause me to wonder if it isn't entirely possible for my kind to dream," he murmured, and I felt a thrill rush through me at the way his words were issued with such a firm softness and musicality and feeling.

"Perhaps life _is_ a dream, like it says in the song," I offered.

He lifted his head slightly, thoughtfully, and his nose skimmed the line of my collarbone as he inhaled before returning to his former position.

Then, he replied softly, "You may be right. But, if that is true, what will happen when we wake up?"

There was something in his voice, some sort of long-abiding ache that reminded me of the vast amount of experience he'd had in life from living for such a considerable length of time.

I took my time before musing, "We'll become more aware, I suppose, and maybe be able to make better sense of what was going on in our dreams."

Edward pulled his face up and leaned over me, eyes searching mine intensely.

"And if we never wake up?" he asked, almost challenging, but there was an air of almost child-like pleading about him that few would have noticed.

I met his gaze in square determination. This was about so much more than philosophy.

"Then we keep on dreaming."

His tortured expression held for a moment, then abruptly softened into something like relief as his lips crashed desperately into mine.

* * *

**A/N: Well? I know that that was a bit different than is usual for me, but did you like it? Please tell me! And be specific(if it isn't too much trouble).**

**Ooh! I'm editing previous chapters of this and other fics, if anyone cares, so suggestions would be _much _appreciated. Thenx.**

**Review, s'il vous plait!**


	4. Ch4: The Shower

**A/N: I made it a little better! And longer!**

**A/N: So, I doubt many on you remember, but in a previous chapter, Bella mentions always taking quick showers because of something that had happened earlier. A reviewer(Teddy-Bear-Luver1256) asked about it, and so I thought, 'hey, why not?' Sooooo...here's the story! I hope it isn't stupid or a let-down to you. Here you are with another Waffle!**

**Butter Ch4:The Shower(dun-dun-dun!) Dedicated to Teddy-Bear-Luver1256 for being attentive**

It was during the first week of our marriage that I discovered Edward's undeniable abhorrence for long periods of solitude. How I happened upon this bit of knowledge still astounds me, though it has, of course, been quite some time since since the events that lead to it.

It all began on one of those first few mornings when I expressed some rather pressing hygienic needs...

* * *

I awoke, warm and comfortable, to the smiling face of my husband, my Edward. He really was _mine, _now--every bit as much as I was his, body and soul.

"Good morning, my angel," he crooned lowly, in those velvety tones that never failed to bring my attention to the lips that issued them. I snuggled happily into the marble chest which was now almost as warm as the bed covers encasing me; apparently, staying _in _bed with me all night had multiple benefits.

I sighed contentedly, smiling into his smooth skin. Not to mention those smooth, iron-hard muscles...

My smile grew, and Edward chuckled.

"What are you thinking, love?"

I lifted my head to look up at him, teasing, "Wouldn't _you_ like to know?"

Suddenly, I was on my back with Edward hovering over me, a wicked glint in his eyes.

"Yes, I would, actually," he purred in reply, though it was clear he had at least some notion as to what thoughts were; my expressions gave me away every time.

"How about I give you a hint?" I asked, running my hands smoothly up to his neck so that I could thread my fingers through his soft, curling locks of bronze. The sun, with its rays pouring from a window, glinted from behind Edward's head and through his hair, causing him to appear even more impossibly like some perfect, angelic creature from medieval legends. As I finally turned my gaze to those glowing orbs of gold, there they were--scorching with incredible heat into my own painfully brown eyes.

All at once, Edward's mouth was molded to mine with an inexorable, passionate love, and I soon lost all coherency.

* * *

Aa I was sitting at the table after breakfast, I came to a startling realization.

"I...haven't...shaved...in _three days,_" I uttered in an appalled and faintly disgusted tone.

Edward rolled his eyes while he continued taking care of my breakfast things, sighing, "Bella, you know that I don't care."

I wrinkled my nose; he really didn't, and it was it was a little unnerving. I guess that no matter how often I shaved my legs, there would always be some minuscule amounts of stubble, which he would be able to feel. That thought always led to keen embarrassment, and he never complained, so I tried to ignore it.

"Yeah, but...well, it just feels _weird,_ you know?"

He cocked an eyebrow, coming to sit next to me and taking my hand casually.

After gauging his expression, I said, "I guess you wouldn't. But...I mean, you've read the minds of girls who've missed a few days...right?"

He sighed as he began playing absent-mindedly with my fingers, causing them to tingle deliciously.

"I rather try to avoid minds whose thoughts tend towards subjects such as that one; it's a bit uncomfortable," he explained, shrugging sheepishly, as if he were revealing some embarrassing secret.

I wondered what other 'subjects' he didn't pay attention to, and a very small smile lit my face. Edward's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"What?" he asked, dragging the syllable out slightly.

I perked out of my mischievous musing abruptly at the melodious sound, quickly replying, "Nothing. Anyway, I was just saying that it feels kind of nasty after a while, like..." I paused, running my unoccupied hand along a prickly, stubble covered leg, then shuddered. "It's like not brushing your hair."

Edward cocked his head to the side, clearly fascinated by this oh-so-deep look into the forbidden landscapes of my psyche.

I continued.

"I mean, at first, it's sort of okay...then, as the hours pass, it just starts feeling _gnarly._"

He laughed heartily as he reiterated my nifty word.

"_Gnarly?"_

I shifted my weight self consciously.

"Well, yes." Then I got a little annoyed at him, especially since he was still shaking in silent laughter. "And what word would _you _use, o great and mighty Sage of Perfect Diction?" I asked sarcastically.

Edward just chuckled again, saying, "Oh, the word you used was fine, but I was surprised, that's all." His eyes softened. "After all this time, I'm still surprised..."

I leaned my head onto his shoulder. A moment later, I started teasing his smooth palm with with my lightly trailing fingertips, and his hand twitched, causing a few muscles in his arm to tighten. I suppressed a pleased smile at his reaction to me. He noticed,of course, and decided to get me back by inching the path of his fingers up to my wrist and retreating, then sliding them along the underside of my arm, delicately enticing the sensitive skin there. I froze, and then I inhaled sharply when he reached the inside of my elbow. A slow, dangerous smile crept across his face.

Quickly, I grabbed his hand to prevent any further assault; my heart was shouting at me enough as it was for all the abuse it got, despite the wondrous thrills that had been shooting through me almost continuously for the past few days...and nights...

Edward grinned unrepentantly, and I giggled, shaking my head in wonderment; the first twenty-four hours or so of our honeymoon had been a little rough on Eward--and, consequently, on myself also--and it had taken quite a bit of sly conniving on my part to make it really enjoyable. What I never expected was that _he _would so soon end up being the one to push us in that direction...and so _often._

I loved it. I loved _him..._and he was so happy, now, that there were times when my heart would swell near to bursting with reflective joy.

It didn't take him long to take advantage of my brief reverie, and all at once I was being held hostage in his lap. This could be nice...

Our foreheads were pressed lightly together, his eyes alight with happiness enough to fill a world or two, and I could feel my own face beam in response. I was about to close the remaining distance between us when, suddenly, I realized I wouldn't have to; Edward brought his mouth softly but urgently to mine, and I could taste the contented sigh coming from his lips, causing me to smile and tighten my grip in an attempt to bring us closer.

Eventually, we slowed down a bit, and I was able to tear myself away to breathe, leaning heavily against him. Edward's own breathing was rougher than usual...or, at least, what would have been considered unusual for him about a week ago. Again, the thought of slight torture brushed my mind.

"Edward, I need to shower."

"Okay."

He lifted me up, and was about to head to the bathroom, but I quickly put a hand on his chest, exclaiming, "Wait!"

His brow puckered in confusion, almost making me reconsider--almost.

"I said I needed to shave, didn't I? I won't be able to do that with you in there with me--I'd probably get distracted and cut myself."

Edward sighed, pouting.

"Do you _have _to? I'll miss you."

My heart just about melted.

"Edward, _please _don't do that to me..." I begged.

Again, he sighed.

"Alright, if you _must _go alone...but make it quick, I beg you; I was serious when I said I'll miss you."

I smiled.

"Deal."

* * *

The shower was _wonderful. _I did try to hurry with my hair and general washing, but I took my time shaving; who knew when I would be strong enough to leave Edward again, even for a few minutes? I didn't want to take chances and end up missing a spot.

I think it had been about twenty minutes when the door opened. At first, I froze automatically, but relaxed when I saw that it was Edward.

I was about to chastise him playfully for startling me when I saw the sorrowful expression on his face.

"Edward?"

He just stared at me. It wasn't that he'd never seen me like this before or anything, but, well...I was in the shower! And he was just staring! I was suddenly unsure of what to do with myself. So we stood in our respective positions, stewing uncomfortably for a while.

Then, at last, he spoke.

"I'm not sure what is so alluring about this shower that it would keep you so long out of my presence," he intoned dolefully, matching the sadness of his expression. "Perhaps you'd care to enlighten me?"

He made no move to join me, which made things all the more awkward. He just stood there with his arms folded across his chest. His lovely, rock-hard chest...

It was a good thing I'd finished shaving; I'd _never _be able to handle a razor safely with him watching.

"Did you not promise to hurry back to me?" he reminded me petulantly.

I sighed, chuckling a little at his reaction as I turned off the water and stepped out. As soon as I had my robe on, I found myself in his arms, entirely encased in them.

Edward put his mouth to my ear.

"Please don't do that to me again," he whispered, pleading.

I smiled and nodded, standing up on tip-toe for a kiss of reconciliation and promise.

* * *

A while later, after much intense snogging, he looked down at me with a gorgeous, lopsided smile.

"Have I ever mentioned how much I adore kissing you?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Mmm," he sighed as he kissed me again. "It ranks in the top three of my very favorite things to do with you."

I smiled.

"Really? What are the other two?"

His hands slid to my waist, and he used the leverage to pull me flush against him. Good thing the steam from the shower had kept him warm for me...

"_One_ thing I think you can guess with fair ease," he purred as I gasped for air. "The other..." he paused, stepping back to look directly into my eyes with sudden sternness, "is showering **_with _**you."

I laughed, shaking my head at his seriousness, but at the same time vowing _never _to underestimate Edward when it came to showers again.

* * *

**A/N: Alright, maybe that wasn't my best...but I hope you liked it anyway! Please tell me what you thought of it...I enjoy both praise and constructive criticism! Even just a little smiley face would be welcome! Although, of course, I DO enjoy lengthy reviews as much as the next author...and I usually respond to reviews, so drop me a line!**

**Much love,**

**La Sab**


	5. Ch5: The Phone Call, Part One

**Butter! Ch 5: The Phone Call (dundundun!) Part One**

**Dedicated to Hymnophile and MyAngel56**

**This takes place on the Isle de Esme--only, with MUCH more fun stuff implied ;D**

**By the way, since, in this piece, Bella never got pregnant (not that I don't love Renesmee--I do, really!), she also never got sick or overly emotional, so she didn't CRY after dreaming that she and Edward had sex. Instead, she used her big, doe-like brown eyes and her ultimate weapon--'Please'. So, after that, they began having lots of newly-wed fun.**

**I am...pretty nervous; this is my first attempt at anything that takes place during Breaking Dawn. HELP! **

* * *

**BPOV:**

We were meandering casually along the beach, my fingers laced tightly through his cold ones, talking softly. Just talking.

Occasionally, he'd say or do something that would make my heart thud unevenly, as if we were still getting to know each other and I wasn't used to the electricity that sparked hotly between us.

It was difficult to believe, but, accustomed as I'd become to his presence, I was still stunned by the beauty, the grace, the pervasive etherealness that he exuded constantly. After all this time, I was still in awe of him.

I leaned into him as he continued to explain whatever it was he had been talking about. I usually paid close attention, but every now and then I let myself simply enjoy the melodious velvet of his voice.

"Bella?"

My pulse picked up at the sound of my name on his lips.

"Hmm?"

Edward chuckled in that exquisite, masculine way of his.

"Were you paying any attention at all?"

I blushed, burying my flaming face into his sleeve.

"Maybe…"

He laughed.

"I'm sorry; I've been boring you."

My head snapped up.

"No! Not at all. It's just…well, your voice is so lyrical and soothing that I—"

He laughed again.

"It's alright, Bella," he told me, still chortling to himself, albeit more smugly now. "It wasn't important."

He then directed more questions to me, probably to insure that I was properly engaged.

It was during times like this that I felt like I was falling in love all over again. Or, maybe, I never stopped falling at all and it was only on occasion that I became aware of it.

Edward must have noticed the contemplative look on my face, for he asked what I was thinking.

When I told him, he gave me the most amazing, blindingly euphoric smile I've ever seen before pulling me into an equally amazing kiss.

It was strange, how much I'd come to long for cold, inhuman touches. And yet, nothing excited me more than one of Edward' frigid, icy kisses. Well, they weren't all so icy, not in this weather, but he was still cooler than any living, healthy human. The only times he really warmed up were when we showered…

…Ah, good times, those.

"Bella, what are you grinning about?" Edward asked, bringing me out of my pleasant memories and musings, a grin evident in his own voice.

I pulled him down by the collar into another fervent kiss, and we collapsed passionately onto the sand.

* * *

Later that day, as I was eating lunch, Edward's cell phone went off in our room.

Edward's brow furrowed in consternation and slight worry as he excused himself with a kiss from the kitchen area.

**EPOV:**

I was reluctant to leave Bella, but I knew that it had to be important, and I wasn't at all certain if she should hear even half of the prospective conversation.

I glanced at the ID before picking up, somewhat concerned, but also prepared for the ridiculous.

"Alice?"

"Hi. Edward, please put me on speaker; I want to talk to both of you."

She sounded very stern, but not troubled. I smirked in amusement and sped back to the kitchen, pulling Bella onto my lap as I did as Alice told bid.

"Alright, what is it?"

"Hello, Bella."

"Um, hi, Alice..." Bella trailed off in adorable confusion.

"Okay, to business. Now, I know you've been having fun, and you'll continue to do so, believe me, but _please_ try not to be errotically engaged between the hours of five and six."

Bella's signature blush came on full force, momentarily sidetracking me. I shortly returned my attention to Alice's request, though.

"May I ask why?" I querried, slightly annoyed by her vaguery.

"_Because,_ Renee is driving me crazy; she really, really wants to talk to Bella, and she keeps _almost _calling her." Alice was obviously perturbed. "The only thing that's been stopping her is fear of interrupting something, I'm sure, but it's been over two weeks, and it's getting worse; Phil has been able to dissuade her so far, but she keeps reasoning with him that the outrageously lustful stage should be close to over by now." She giggled suddenly not at all frustrated. "I know better; it's only just beginning!"

"Alice!" Bella and I protested in unison.

"Anyway, I want to tell her when it's 'safe' to call before Phil is no longer able to convince her not to. So be good, please."

"But—"

"Oh, don't worry; they won't be on the phone forever—probably just half an hour or so."

I almost dropped the phone. Bella would probably want privacy whie talking to her mother, and I was loath to be away from her for that long. Bella hid a smile at my reaction.

I struggled to compose myself, reaping little success.

"_Half an hour?_" I all but hissed into the receiver, tightening my grip on Bella's waist.

"Or so."

"Al—"

"Oh, relax. Half an hour is _nothi_—ah, I get it. Never mind. You have my condolences."

I rolled my eyes.

"Thank you."

"Don't be sarcastic. But, anyway, I'll let you get back to...whatever it was that you were doing. Just remember to come back to reality at five."

She hung up, and I checked the time.

It was now three in the afternoon...

"Bella."

She twisted to look at me.

"Yes, Edward?"

I grinned.

"We have two hours."

Both of our expressions turned mildly wicked and intensely knowing. I felt the small prickle of worry that struck every time before we made love again, but, as always, it was soon won over by determination.

"Think that'll be enough time?" she teased, breaking me out of any lingering seriousness.

"Oh, there's never enough time...but it will do."

Needless to say, her lunch was quite forgotten.

* * *

**That was only part one, so stay tuned for the rest of 'The Phone Call'!**

****

**Did you like the EPOV? It wan't much, but...yeah.**

Please tell me if this chapter turned out well or not; it's been a long time since I've written anything for Butter!, and I'm feeling paranoid.

Oh, and please check out the poll on my profile.


	6. Ch6: The Phone Call, Part Two

**Special thanks to Hazelnut4o6, Hymnophile, karissachan126, Monica-san, 4vr18Vi, and Maye Faire for giving me a big head and/or being cute!**

* * *

**Butter! Ch 5: The Phone Call (dundundun!) Part Two**

**EPOV:**

Both of our expressions turned mildly wicked and intensely knowing.

I felt the small prickle of worry that struck every time before we made love again, but, as always, it was soon won over by determination.

"Think that'll be enough time?" she teased, breaking me out of any lingering seriousness.

"Oh, there's never enough time...but it will do."

Needless to say, her lunch was quite forgotten.

It wasn't long before whatever minimalistic conversation there was between us desisted entirely.

Not that either of us minded.

* * *

**BPOV:**

We lay together, panting in each other's arms, and feeling quite satisfied with ourselves for the time being.

I, however, felt rather sticky; ridiculously warm weather combined with the...ahem...Edward-induced heat made for a terribly sweaty Bella.

"Edward," I yawned as I stretched, trying to work out the soreness in muscles I'd previously had little use for. "I think I need a shower."

And I began to roll off the bed.

I was a trifle surprised when I found myself wound firmly around Edward's cool body once more. It was a nice surprise.

"Bella," Edward intoned seriously, "I'm afraid that one of the rather unfortunate limitations of being my wife is that only in the scarcest of happenstances would you be even grudgingly allowed to leave my sight--or my reach."

Mm, I liked the sound of that.

"Ah," I returned, "but one of the potentially vexing hindrances that come with being my husband is that I am determined to be in your presence every waking moment of my existence...and every _un-_waking moment there besides. Did you really think I'd intended to go by myself?"

He chuckled, then looked at me somewhat more sternly.

"'Potentially vexing hindrances'? Bella, you know I could never consider you an encumbrance. Not in a million years--and that is no exaggeration."

My forehead wrinkled in consternation.

"But I slow you down _all _the_ time."_

He smiled softly, considering his words carefully.

"I suppose that there is _some _truth to that. However, there are certain..._compensations_ which eradicate any and all feelings of even the _remotest _frustration."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Compensations?"

He beamed smugly.

"There are a few areas in which you have most assuredly not in any way cumbersome..." He smirked. "In fact, you've been quite...expeditious."

Interesting...

"Such as what, pray tell?"

Edward's grin augmented significantly.

"Allow me to demonstrate."

_'Here we go again!' _I rejoiced mentally.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, Edward's cell phone began to ring.

Surely, it couldn't be five o'clock already, so who...?

Edward rolled us deftly toward where he'd left his phone, and, still kissing me senseless, reached over and dismissed the call.

That's my man.

Now, back to business...

A few minutes later, it rang _again._

Edward groaned against the bare skin of my shoulder in frustration, causing it to tingle deliciously.

He was being quite stubborn, holding me even closer and worshipping my neck with newfound determination.

The phone continued to ring, and, eventually, I pushed gently him away. He allowed this with aconfused look on his face.

"Edward, you may as well answer it. They aren't going to give up any time soon."

He sighed ion defeat, at last flipping it open and putting it on speakerphone directly, rather than wait to see if it was a private call.

Apparently, he was not in the mood to carry on an extensive conversation without me. That though made me smile.

**EPOV: **

I picked up the phone, per Bella's request, but immediately put it on speaker, as I was unwilling to take any private calls at the moment.

It was Alice again.

"You, my dear sister," I gritted out, "have an amazing propensity for--"

"Anticipatory reactions? Yes, I know."

_What?_

"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of perturbing interruptions, but--Alice, how can they be _re_actions if they're anticipatory?"

Her high pitched laugh floated fuzzily through the tiny speakers of my phone.

"Easy. My premonitions are more accurate than those of most people; therefore, I may react to them."

"But--"

She cut me off again.

"Edward, Edward, Edward. Don't you see? I may _act_ _on _my anticipations, but I _re_act _to _them. It all makes sense."

I sighed.

"You are quite decidedly ridiculous at times, do you know that?"

"Thank you."

I waited.

Nothing.

'_Fine,' _I thought.

"Alice, what do you want?"

She huffed.

"Oh, Edward, really. It's four-fifty! If I'd let you continue, you'd end up being so far gone that both of you would remain oblivious to poor Renee's phone call!"

Bella sat up, wide-eyed, and looked at the clock for confirmation. Her lovely mouth popped open.

I myself was rather startled. Well, you know what they say about time when you're having fun...

I gazed at Bella, unabashedly enjoying the view that her new position afforded...

"Edward!" Alice snapped.

I blinked, shaking my head minutely to regain some portion of reason.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Well, I'm going to hang up in seven seconds, as Renee's call will be coming in five seconds thereafter. Be good. Bye, Bella. Edward."

Click.

I snapped the phone shut.

Bella gave me a quick but lingering kiss before the phone rang again, and I handed it to her, saddened by the prospect of separation.

I was about to leave when Bella grabbed my arm, and I stopped, looking at her questioningly.

"Every waking moment, remember?" she reiterated fiercely.

"I'll be able to hear everything, Bella, whether it's on speaker phone or not," I warned.

She rolled her eyes.

"Just get back here," she muttered, acting irritated.

I grinned in relief and pleasure, beginning to settle into the bed and pulling Bella into my arms once more as she answered.

"Hello?"

"Bella! How are you?"

"…um, I'm fine, Mom."

"Just 'Fine'?" she asked skeptically.

I could practically see the raised eyebrow, and I laughed silently, earning a half-hearted glare from Bella. This would be interesting.

Bella's lips pursed, then turned upward in an indulgant smile.

"Alright, I'm spectacular. Definitely no complaints."

Renee giggled youthfully.

"I'm glad. So," she began in a mock-business-like tone, excitement creeping through. "How was it?"

"Mom!"

"What? I'm genuinely curious."

"Yeah, but—well—I mean—"

"Oh, Bella, you know you've been dying to spill. So spill. And I want a _few _details."

"D-details? I—Oh, Edward, wipe that ridiculously cute smirk off your face."

I couldn't help gut grin.

"Ah, Edward's there, and that's why you won't talk. So send him into another room."

My grin dropped.

"But I don't want to!"

...and returned immediately.

"Should I call you later?" Renee asked, sounding unsure.

Bella sighed.

"No, Mom, I didn't mean it like that, you know I didn't…I just…I really, really don't want to talk about this."

"But what else could we possibly talk about? You're on your Honeymoon!"

"Good point," I muttered, just loudly enough for Bella to hear. My shoulders shook with suppressed laughter at the look she shot me.

"There's plenty else to talk about," she said forcefully

Silence.

"...Such as...?"

Bella covered the mouth piece and hissed, "Edward, what else could we talk about?"

I was near hysterics at this point, but managed to hold it back fairly well.

"Try the local flora and fauna," I suggested mirthfully.

She thanked me, uncovered the phone, and said, "Well, for one thing, the island is gorgeous."

"YOU'RE ON AN ISLAND?!"

Bella jumped in surprise, and I steadied her, letting loose a few chuckles.

"Yes…"

"Are you alone?"

I could have laughed at how conspiratorial and _sneaky_ she sounded.

Bella's mouth quirked, finally discovering humor in the situation.

"Relatively," she told her amusedly, though she blushed a delicious shade of pink. "There are some people who come to clean and restock the place with food, but, other than that, yeah, we're pretty much secluded."

**BPOV:**

Renee squealed. _Loudly._

I swear, sometimes I wondered if our ages should be reversed. Her youthful attitude was part of her charm, though, and I loved her for it.

"Well, since you're so…secluded, you must be fairly…busy…"

"Mom," I warned.

"Sorry, sorry. How do you like being married so far?"

I grinned at Edward, and he brushed his lips adoringly against my cheek.

"It's pretty wonderful," I sighed.

Renee chortled lightly, as did Edward.

"Oh, come on, Bella, you can give me more than that. Or have you really been doing nothing but—"

"No, no, we do plenty of other things," I interjected hastily, causing Edward's lips to twitch in amusement. "We go on a lot of walks, and we go snorkeling pretty often. We've gone on a few picnics, too. It's too lovely here to stay indoors all the time, and it _is_ secluded…"

I stopped. I couldn't believe I almost told her that we had sex out in the middle of the wilderness on a regular basis!

"…I'm not saying any more than that."

My mom laughed giddily, forcing out, "Oh, you're enjoying yourselves, all right…ah…that island sounds _very_ nice…"

Obviously, I had told her enough for her to interpret plenty.

I let her laugh for a bit, and glared at Edward when he started shaking even harder than ever before, his lips pursed and his eyes crinkled in mirth.

"So," she gushed, "What do you like using the best so far? Grass, sand, or the bed?"

Edward's head perked up in curiosity.

"Well, I...Mom!"

We were _not_ having this conversation.

"Oh, come on, if you can't even talk about _that..._"

"But--well--I don't know! It depends on the mood, I guess..." I trailed off, my voice getting smaller and smaller with my deepening embarrassment.

"Hm. Interesting."

_'I can't believe this,' _I thought, groaning inwardly, placing my hand on my forehead.

Edward was trying desperately not to laugh, and I resisted the urge to banish him from the room.

...mostly because I would just miss him entirely too much for it to be proper punishment for just him.

"Mom, can we _please_ talk about something else?"

She sighed into the phone.

"Alright, sweetie. I'm sorry. So. Phil's doing well..."

The conversation remained blessedly sexless (for the most part) after that.

Edward took to playing with my hair, doing his best not to distract me overmuch while keeping himself relatively entertained for the remainder of the call.

* * *

"Bella, look over there."

Edward and I were yet again wandering the heavenly, white beaches of Isle de Esme. It amazed me that there were still new things for him to point out to me.

"What is it?"

Edward stopped and pulled me to him.

"I've changed my mind; I want your full and exclusive attention."

I beamed adoringly up at him, and he grinned crookedly back.

"You have it," I informed him.

He kissed me.

* * *

**The End! Oh, wait...**

Edward held me flush against him as we kissed, but then he drew back a few inches, cocking his head thoughtfully.

"You know, we never did get around to that shower..."

Ah, the perks of marital hygeine...

* * *

**There it is! **

**Did you like it? Please tell me. And was Renee over the top, or was that okay?**

**Remember:**

**Review unto others as you would have them review unto you!**

**;D**


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